It was two weeks before Christmas and the beginning of the 10 day Christmas program at my church. My “To-Do” list for that day threatened my already troubled schedule. It read as follows... (1) Dentist appointment,  (2) Wrap and mail long distance presents, (3) Bake for numerous Christmas parties, (4) Organized Bible study Christmas party, etc. The whole day was filled to capacity with urgent errands. My emotional energy barometer wasn't even registering. 

On the way to the dentist, the car began to make loud grinding noises. By the time I was in the parking lot I could barely turn the steering wheel. This can't happen today, I thought. Before calling AAA, I phoned my pastor-husband to let him know the situation. As I dialed the church, I remembered that he was meeting with the children of a woman who had died that weekend. I told the dental receptionist that I had left a message at my husband's office about my predicament and was awaiting his return call. She knew I was distressed, and she asked what kind of meeting he was in that prevented him from answering my SOS.  That was when I began to explain the ins and outs of ministry marriage (and most marriages, for that matter).

As I began to tell her how we handled situations as a ministry couple, her eyes widened. My explanation piqued her curiosity and I realized once again that ministry marriages were often of public interest. People were looking at, listening to, and learning from our visible marriage.

Awaiting my husband’s arrival gave me time to realize that the obstacle of a broken-down car turned into an opportunity to witness regarding marriage. In response to the receptionist's questions, I found myself sharing some powerful principles that my husband and I had intentionally incorporated into our partnership. It's been an ongoing process during our 30+ years of marriage and we are increasingly aware that these principles are consistently being challenged by our culture. To meet this challenge, we pursue the power of the Mighty Master in the every-day-ness of our marriage.

There is a word that is operative in our desire to maintain balance in a busy and burdensome atmosphere....that word is grace.  Grace is defined as “God's free and unmerited favor towards sinful humanity”-- isn't that a description of a husband and wife? Over time, my husband and I have developed our own description of G-R-A-C-E which helps us pursue harmony on the home-front.

G-God-honoring...

Are we daily honoring God in our marriage? As couples we are challenged in Ephesians 5:21-22 (The Message) “Wives understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to His church,  not by domineering but by cherishing” If we are honoring our husbands in our everyday words, attitudes, and actions, then indeed we do honor God!

R-Respect...

How easy it is to allow respect to erode from the husband wife relationship! in Romans 14:19 (NASB) we find a wonderful guideline for respect: “So then, let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another”. Respecting your husband is really being kind and considerate of him as a person and as a child of God. A lack of dignity and respect has infected society like a deadly disease.That disease can easily infect our marriage relationships if we don't consistently protect it with the power of God's word!

A-Acceptance...

Do you really accept your husband? I mean really accept him? Acceptance goes hand-in-hand with forgiveness because we are sinful in our humanness we must strive to live in an attitude of acceptance and forgiveness. In Ephesians 4:32 (The Message) we are instructed to “Be gentle with one another, sensitive, forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you”. In the early years of our marriage, I found it perplexing that the very characteristics I was originally so attracted to in my husband eventually became the core of my conflicts with him. As we matured, we learned that we complemented each other with our differences. In a talk about marriages being Christ-like partnerships, Jill Briscoe said that “A couple should not be competing, not be comparing but should be complementing” 

C-Commitment...

Does your husband really know that you are committed to the marriage? After your relationship with God, does he really know that he is next? The familiar verse from Genesis 2:24 states clearly God's desire and design for couples “...a man leaves his father and mother is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one” I once heard a speaker say that the word “united “can easily become “untied” just by the position of the letter “I”. So self-focus and a lack of commitment can cause a marriage to come “united”! Over the years, my husband and I have developed a “nevertheless” attitude in our relationship... sort of a “you and me against the world” position. As long as Christ is at the center, we can face the world together as a couple. And during our 30 years of marriage, we’ve certainly experienced times when we had to remind each other that we were in it for the long haul... No matter what!

E- Encouragement...

Is your relationship laced with encouragement? 1st Thessalonians 5:11 says: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...” That's pretty clear... but how often do we elevate our husbands with our encouragement?  Often, we just don't think about it. In a superficial society that demands success, we must endeavor to become a source of honest and consistent encouragement to our husbands. How easy it is to become blinded by busyness and overlook them! Bob and I know first-hand just how valuable and unifying the gift of encouragement is in the husband and wife relationship.

J.I. Packer said: “Christian fellowship is two-dimensional... it has to be vertical before it can be horizontal.” We could say the same about Christian marriage: “Christian marriages need to be two-dimensional...it has to be vertical before it can be horizontal”. Incorporating that basic formula...God's power in our partnership...could routinely rejuvenate any marriage. 

If my husband and I have grasped one thing in our marriage, it is this: we know that marriage requires a four-letter operative word...work!  We haven't arrived ...but we are continuing the journey. And by working to focus on those GRACE ingredients, we season our relationship in a scriptural and God-pleasing way.